Whats left of us both
by Scarecrows Host
Summary: Lantash dies before Elliot releases the poison. Chapter 1 called "Elliot" takes place just before he's seen on screen at the end of Summit and the second is called "Lantash" which is set during Last Stand. The third chapter is called "Whats left of us both." Elliot returns to the SGC on an important mission from the Tok'ra High Council.
1. Elliot

All the rocks that came falling on top of Elliot crushed every single bone in his body. He could feel the sharp sting from the abrasions, residue from the rubble. _It's better than not feeling the abrasions, I suppose,_ Elliot thought brightly. _At least I know that the nerves are working properly_.

Elliot tried to call for help, but instead all that came from his voice was a faint whisper. He felt a nasty rasp in his throat that almost made him choke. Then, he felt a dull thud come from inside his head. He rubbed it with his hand to try and numb the pain, but the pain grew in his arm the more he tried to use it. He laid it down gently on top of the ruins and then he felt a disturbance at the base of his neck. Elliot panicked.

_Do not be afraid. _

Elliot tried to move his head in every direction to see where the voice was coming from but all he saw was more rubble. Then, a memory of Rosha flooded his mind. Elliot was inside Martouf. He looked down at his hands that were not his hands, but intertwined with a women's that was so soft and warm. His gaze drifted upwards to see a girl whom he had never seen before. She leaned into him to kiss him and he felt his body surge with electricity.

There were two moons out that night.

The experience left the poor young commander breathless. "What was that?" He rasped out loud.

_You do not need to speak. _

Lt. Elliot closed his eyes and thought the sentence in his mind. _What was that?_

The young man could feel whatever it was that wrapped itself around that base of his neck smile and Elliot could also sense its euphoria at kissing the women named Rosha. The feeling had not left him.

_That was a memory. A time long since passed. _He thought sadly.

_How did I feel it?_

_I am Lantash. The symbiote that once laid in slumber inside the containment vessel. _He looked up to see that the fibre-glass case once holding the revered Tok'ra had been destroyed by the falling debris. _I must apologize. _Lantash said humbly, _It is against my kind to take a human host against their will, but I had no choice. _

_I don't blame you, _Elliot forgave, _I am in as much need of you as you are of me right now. _

_Indeed. But I must warn you, _Elliot's attention perked up, _the faster I try to heal you, the faster the memories will come. It may be overwhelming but do not be alarmed. The chemicals released in a human host as a result of nostalgia or adrenaline can also be overwhelming for the symbiote. In short, I will not be able to heal you as quickly. That could result in both our deaths._

Elliot let out a scoff. _I'll try to control them, _he thought, _but I won't make any promises. _

_That is all I ask._

Elliot could feel Lantash healing him rapidly. The disturbance in his neck felt less disturbing and more natural. It was like he and the symbiote were becoming one and the same person. His arms felt less painful. The dull throb in his head had dwindled to almost nothing and the abrasions all over his body were bleeding less blood. Then the memories flooded his mind again.

Rosha and Martouf were sitting outside the Tok'ra tunnels. Martouf was interrogating her about her escape from Natu. Their voices were deep and they were speaking all in Goa'uld but Elliot could understand them both perfectly as if they had been speaking English.

"How did you escape?" Lantash yelled.

"That is none of your concern." Jolinar yelled back.

"The High Council wishes to know."

"Then the High Council will have to get used to disappointment." She retorted.

As they argued, Elliot felt a huge gaping hole in the centre of his chest that Martouf felt at the time of the incident. He gulped. Not sure really knowing where reality was at that moment. All the memories washed though his mind like a stream over a rock and he wasn't sure what to do with himself.

_Breathe, _Lantash instructed soothingly.

Elliot did as he was told and another memory surfaced.

This time, it was just after Jolinar had left for her final mission. It hit him hard in the pit of his stomach to be away from his mate for so long. He punched his stomach several times to try and numb the ache that he felt in his heart. Elliot couldn't help but cry. For Martouf's pain had become his own. The closest that he had ever felt in his life to that was when his girlfriend broke up with him. But even that was nothing compared with the separation Martouf felt being away from Jolinar.

_It is overwhelming, _Elliot mused in his head.

_You are young. _Lantash stated surprised, _very young. _While Elliot's mind processed memories that were not his own, Lantash went around digging in Elliot's memories. The things he found were endearing.

"Hold your position!" He yelled to Grogan. "Set your weapons to max stunt!"

"Those are our guys." Grogan retorted.

"Do it!"

Lantash was amazed at the sort of courage and determination that the Young Elliot seemed to possess. He had a natural inner strength. He was a good commander though sloppy and inexperienced but with time he would grow into becoming a great leader. He would do what is right no matter what the cost was, and Lantash decided that he liked his new host.

"Could you have disabled the device?" Colonel O'Neill asked forcefully.

"I supported Lt. Elliot's decision to-" Elliot had a fierce sense of pride wash over him as he heard Hayley's response. It was quickly squandered by Colonel O'Neill's rage, but still. He felt comforted that his men – or women, as the case may be – were willing to stand by him no matter what.

_This Hayley, _Lantash asked, _She was important to you?_

"Very." He whispered out loud.

Elliot felt almost all his strength return to him. He moved each and every limb carefully and deliberately to check for injury. His breathing slowly returned to normal then sped up again as another memory flashed through both his and Lantash's minds.

"Hayley is still alive. She needs help." He could feel his blood pulse through his veins with relief. "I say again, Hayley needs medical attention!" As he picked her up, he felt a rush of electricity, not unlike Martouf when he kissed Jolinar. He looked down at her in his arms and couldn't help but think of how pretty she was. She smelled like strawberries. He mentally shook himself for that one. She might be pretty, but most girls were.

_You're a bit of a romantic, aren't you, Young Elliot?, _Lantash teased.

_No matter how tough we seem, I think, all of us are, in one way or another, _Elliot thought calmly. _Sometimes I did imagine what it would be like to be with Hayley. _He mused, _but it was always nothing more than that. A schoolboy crush, I suppose you could say._ He internally laughed.

_Be that as it may, _Lantash began, _you were good friends._

_Yes, we knew each other from the Academy._

Lantash showed him a memory that he had found deep in the recess of Elliot's mind. Elliot had found Hayley walking down the hallways of the Academy in Washington enraged as usual after her little spat with Major Carter.

"Hayley! Hayley!" He called.

Hayley rolled her eyes and pivoted. She knew who was calling her out and she was in no real hurry to speak to him again. Hayley wanted to blow off steam in private without the disturbance of anyone else; even perhaps the one boy in that wretched school whose company she could withstand.

"Elliot." She muttered under her breath.

The boy ran up to her quickly, but not so much so that he was out of breath. He stood more than a foot above her off the ground and stood a little too closely for comfort. She breathed him in but he wasn't enchanting. The man in front of her was an impressive figure, but not above her scolding.

"I heard about what happened. They wanted you to walk out. Did you?" He asked smugly, already knowing the answer.

"What do you think, Elliot? She asked sarcastically. "I told you that I am the best here. And I am going to prove it."

Hayley walked away, pride undamaged, looking like she was going to eat anyone that stood in her way. Elliot smirked. "I'm going to kill Grogan for daring me to do that." He muttered.

_Her sarcasm even rivals that of Colonel O'Neill, _Lantash mused.

Elliot did what could have passed for shrug, _I am afraid I wouldn't know. We might be from the same planet, but we live in two completely different worlds. _

_Really?_

Elliot felt small snippets of memories tug at his mind of Colonel O'Neill. Times when he displayed his most sardonic self at the most apt of times.

"I want her back by 10!" He yelled at Marty.

"come to gloat, eh?

"it's a joke!"

In spite of their less then desirable circumstances Elliot couldn't help but laugh. It came out as more of a choke, a sound that a dying cat might make, but it was funny all the same. Then Lantash felt a tug in his own mind and Elliot could feel it.

_What's wrong?, _He asked.

_I am sorry my friend,_ if Lantash could speak, Elliot would think that he spoke with an undertone of guilt laced in his throat. _I have attempted to conceal a few of the more delicate and sad memories from you that I fear I can't hold back any longer. You are warned._

Elliot felt a prang of pain at the base of his neck. He saw flashes of times when Martouf and previous hosts have fled abandoned motherships that were exploding with damage that Lantash feared that he could not heal. He saw other flashes of himself and Rosha and her previous hosts when he thought that she was going to die.

"Oh, man." He breathed.

The memories were beginning to make him perspire. He knew that they were only memories, but as they came it felt like he was living inside it. Like a lucid dream.

"We must leave the Tok'ra base!" Martouf took Rosha by the hand and led her to the gate.

"We cannot leave without our friends!" Rosha yelled back.

_Lantash?_

_Yes, my young friend?_

Elliot breathed heavily. The energy that it took to form a coherent thought was draining. _You take over._

Elliot's body was no longer his own. He could feel his lips move but it wasn't him moving them. In all honesty, it was a little bit strange. But he did not have time for that he needed to concentrate on blending with the Tok'ra, not on his other surroundings.

Then someone outside his body called his name. "Lt. Elliot?" It was high, feminine yet firm and steady.

Elliot's eye's glowed. "Major Carter." It said. Elliot felt his lips move, but the voice that came out was not his.

Sam looked over her shoulder and saw that the containment vessel had shattered. "Lantash." She breathed.

"I am sorry. He was dying. I had no choice."

Then suddenly, through his own eyes, while someone else was controlling them, he saw the most beautiful women he had ever seen in his life. She looked like an angel and He felt his heart flutter. This wasn't a schoolboy crush, like he felt before, or puppy love. This was real. To Elliot, it didn't make sense, he had seen her not an hour ago, and it felt like nothing more than greeting an old friend or a commanding officer. So what had changed?

_Lantash._


	2. Lantash

"They should be back by now." Elliot heaved.

"They'll be back soon, don't worry." Sam heard more cave ends coming and used her body to cover Lt Elliots. He felt like it was going to freeze as he breathed in her scent and touched her pale skin. "How are you feeling?" Sam asked sincerely.

"Its strange," he bagan, "it's like suddenly I know everything about someone else's life. Two other people actually. Hear his thoughts every now and then, but he's using all his strength to save me." Elliot silently prayed that there would be another cave end, just so he could touch her again. He heard the bombings come from above.

"Looks like they're coming for another round." She said, trying to distract him from his impulsion's. She covered his body with his and his hands felt like they were going to freeze as he touched her.

_I thought I was supposed to feel warm. _Lt Elliot asked Lantash. _It did with Hayley._

_Humans feel affection like fire. But you are human no longer my dear friend. _

"What a joke." He said disgusted at both himself and his symbiote.

"What?" Carter asked. Elliot fumbled for something to say as he caught the double meaning in his words. How could he possibly explain that he now had a crush on a Superior Officer. The feeling made him choke.

"I can't believe that I'm going to die on my first mission," He decided on saying.

"No you're not." Sam looked at Elliot sternly. Despite her reluctance, Elliot was the last thing remaining of Martouf. She wasn't ready to let him go, not yet.

"C'mon Major, even if the Tok'ra can fix the damage, we are never getting out of here." Elliot said, on the verge of losing all hope.

"Sure we are. You've read our mission files. We go through the gate, we get into trouble, get out of it we go home."

"Tell that to Major Mansfield." Elliot stated tiredly and stubbornly.

Sam mentally shook her head and faced reality. "Okay, forget the pep talk." Elliot looked up at her. "You knew what you were signing up for." The feelings that Sam felt from Jolinar's remains were giving out to her tough solider side.

"Yeah," Elliot said, not quite ready to give up, just yet.

"You got this assignment because you were strong both physically and mentally. Now give the symbiote inside you a chance." It was Major Carter's way of trying to give the young boy hope. Okay, maybe he wasn't a boy, but Major Carter had been at this much longer then he had, and to her, he was a boy – inexperienced, naïve, but skilled and talented. Soon the whole world was going to know exactly how much. "Don't let-" she began again, only to have more rocks tumble on top of them. Elliot's skin once again felt like ice at her touch. It felt better than being near fire, but that feeling was soon lost at the cave end that had blocked their exit. They both looked at each other at a loss as to what they should do, as the fear of impending doom fell on them, quite literally, like a ton of bricks.

Lt Elliot watched as Sam slaved away at removing the rubble out of the way. Watching her, made his heart flutter. It was a feeling that he wasn't expecting to have. She was a young women, yes, but he was younger still and she had become his saving grace and his angel without wings.

_Tell her, _Lantash spoke, _Tell her I love her._

_I can't say that to a superior officer, _Elliot choked, _It's against regulations._

_Please, _Lantash pleaded,_ she is the only reason why I am fighting to live. _ _It is taking up all my strength to heal you. I know not if you or I will survive. If you do not say it now, you may not get the chance again. _Elliot swallowed bile that foamed in his mouth. He couldn't tell if it was because he was feeling nauseous from the injuries or because Lantash's feelings had molded into his own. _You know you love her as much as I do. _Elliot coughed.

"He love's you, Major. That's one of the reasons he's fighting to live." Feelings expressed from one officer to another was highly irregular, but Elliot figured that as long as he had a symbiote he was a security risk to the SGC. If he survived, he would be forced to join the Tok'ra. Flashes of memories crossed his mind. He drew in a breath. "He just wanted you to know."

Sam wasn't sure if she should've felt flattered or like he was stepping over the boundaries. She was the higher ranking officer and it was her job to ensure that all personnel under her command kept the rules. Having been host to a Tok'ra herself, she knew better than anyone that feelings did transfer from host to symbiote and vice versa. She knew what Elliot was really trying to say – even if he didn't. She stopped moving the rocks. "The symbiote I carried was Martouf's mate. Martouf and I became close friends because of it."

_More then close I am betting. _Times of when Samantha nearly kissed Martouf came to the forefront of Elliot's memory.

_Indeed, _Lantash laughed.

"I'm telling you he loves you," Elliot repeated. "As much as he once loved Jolinar." Sam almost broke down crying. They weren't just close friends, oh no, they were much more than that. Martouf loved her. "He regrets what happened. The host ultimately died. And he doesn't want you to feel responsible."

"It's okay." She lied. The truth hit her so hard that she had lost him and any real chance of having a life with him. Samantha briefly thought about what it would be like to be with Elliot. A younger man granted, but no less honorable surely, and having an old Tok'ra symbiote in his head has to add on some age. Technically, he's already experienced over a 1000 life times. She quickly brushed that thought aside as she realized the place and time.

"It's getting hard to breathe."

_And not just due to the lack of oxygen. _Elliot thought.

_Indeed, _Lantash repeated.

"Yeah," Sam agreed also. "Hang on."

Elliot kept watching Sam confusedly. The slight nervousness in his heart that was caused by Hayley's presence was completely dulled and numbed out by the gut-wrenching pain he now felt being away from Carter. He continued to watch her, not unstalker-like, as her Commanding Officer radioed her.

"Carter, Carter, if you hear me respond." The colonel ordered.

"Sir, We're here." To hear her CO's voice was a relief. It was the happiest news that she had heard since the nightmare began. "The tunnel collapsed we're trapped."

"Yeah, we noticed that," the colonel said in his very sarcastic way. "Listen," he asked. "how do we use these crystals to move the walls."

Sam racked her brains to find the answer, which usually wasn't difficult for her, but searching the memories of a dead tok'ra symbiote that was in her head was proving very much a challenge. For once in her life, Major Carter was at a loss. She turned to face the dying man, who recalled, not because of Lantash, but because of a lecture Eldwin had given that day. They were all suddenly very thankful that the Young Elliot took an interest in Tok'ra engineering. "Each crystal is designed to create a different section of tunnel. The small square one's will create small short openings."

Carter immediately radioed her other team mates. "Sir, use a small square one if you've got it."

"Rodger that." She heard as his reply.

Sam rushed over to Elliot to keep him company. As Sam placed a hand on him to check his pulse, he felt the rush of the ocean beat in the centre of his chest. "If they choose the wrong one, the whole tunnel could collapse."

"Sir, make sure you use the right crystal." She cautioned, "Its perfectly square." Elliot and Sam knew that Teal'c and O'Neill had chosen the right crystals, when a small short opening appeared. Sam picked Elliot up by slinging his arm over her shoulder. Although Elliot was only lucid, his skin once again felt cold. He longed for Sam to cure him of his hypothermia, but lacked both the courage and strength to do so.

_Does she even know what she does to me? _He mused.

"Thank-you," Sam said hoisting Elliot up further.

"You bet, any time." The colonel shrugged.

"Did you find a tok'ra communicator?" She asked.

"no, no, we didn't."

"Many Jaffa troops search the tunnels." Teal'c said matter-of-factly. "They will be here soon."

As the conversation continued between SG1, the only thing Elliot was focusing on was how Carter's hair smelled like strawberries and dirt. The smell was mesmerizing, it was stronger than any drug that any goa'uld could concoct. It wrapped around him like frost. His head lolled to the side, to get a better smell.

"Use a long rectangle." Elliot instructed.

Teal'c frantically searched through his jacket for the pocket that kept the crystals. He broke the one he assumed was a long rectangle and waited as the structure melted to reveal a tunnel.

"Nice!" O'Neill smiled.

"You should seal the tunnel behind us." It was irregular to have a Lt order a Colonel or Major around, but these circumstances were far from normal. Teal'c followed behind the three, and pointed his staff weapon to the ceiling. He shot naught but two blasts and moved quickly before the entire newly built structure collapsed on top of him.

Elliot's thoughts were absent of all but Sam.

Teal'c had offered to carry Elliot and despite her protests, Sam relinquished him over. Elliot was much taller and much heavier then she had ever thought of and although he was still a boy to her he was more like a man and if he was to continue to live, he needed the aid of another.

"How many more of those things do we have?"

"Six." Teal'c replied without counting.

"We can't stay down here forever. We're out of water."

"Jaffa will not rest until they have found us."

"Why do you say that?" O'Neill was playing dumb and everyone knew it.

Then Elliot coughed. Sam's gaze turned to him out of concern. "If their intent was to simply kill the tok'ra they have weapons that could destroy this facility,-" Elliot coughed again, "-from space. The fact that they used ground troops suggests that they are looking for something." Elliot continued to cough. Each breath he took was painful for him. Not so much as it was when the tunnels collapsed on him. Lantash had healed him rapidly, but Elliot was far from perfect health.

"The poison." Sam pivoted on her feet and faced the rest of her team mates.

"We can't let them have it!" It took a lot of strength out of Elliot to say those words loud enough for everyone in his company to hear him. "If it comes down to it, we'll have to destroy the crystal that contains the formula."

"C'mon," Jack retorted, "they've got to stop looking for us eventually."

"Even if they do stop searching they will never leave the gate unguarded."

"Well, Jacob and Daniel will be back sooner or later."

"The tok'ra will have broadcasted an alert telling them to stay away. They will assume that we will have died along with the other Tok'ra."

"Maybe," Jack said, as stubborn as always.

"well without any way of communicating with them how will they find us?" Sam asked ever the logical one.

For lack of a better reply Jack just took a few steps forward. "Lets keep moving."

Sam rubbed the back of Elliot's neck subconsciously as she poured water in his mouth. Elliot hated the feeling of helplessness, but he relished in the attention. It was conceited and selfish, which made him feel somewhat guilty, but he loved it all the same.

"There does not appear to be any Jaffa currently pursuing us."

"Good," Jack responded, " we haven't heard bombers in a while. Let's try the surface."

Sam looked at the boy she was hovering over. He could feel her touch his face with her hands and a jolt was sent through him "Elliot," she asked, "Elliot, can you hear me? How do we use the crystals to tunnel up to the surface?"

"Surface?" He asked in a half daze.

"Yeah," She looked up at her CO, not sure what to say, "we want to get up there and get some water."

"Diamond."

Two of the three men of SG1 fumbled around for a crystal that looked like a diamond. Teal'c brought the remaining six out from his pockets and looked at them all, confused and befuddled.

"You said that the Tok'ra were sending an alert to warn others away?"

Elliot swallowed. It wasn't just his ailments that were making him feel uneasy, it was his new found attraction to his Commanding Officer. "Long range censors can detect incoming ships. Transmit signals through deep space."

Carter absentmindedly stroked Elliots neck with her thumb. He breathed heavily under her tender touch. "Can we reprogram one to send a message to my dad and Daniel?"

_Can they? _Elliot asked the Tok'ra symbiote in his head.

_It's possible._

"It's possible." He said out loud.

"Where are they?"

"There are four of them," Elliot told them, "About 25 miles from the gate. North, South, East and West."

Colonel O'Neill looked down at his watch, "I figure we're about three miles from the gate."

"Give or take," Sam supplied. She took Elliot's hand and once again slung him over her shoulder. The touch made him shiver. "Either way, we have to get to one of those censors." Teal'c smashed another crystal on the stone structure and watched as it formed a tunnel leading straight to the surface.

"Let's go." O'Neill ordered.

Sam ran to get water from the little supply that she had found. The first sip out of her own bottle she gave to the dying Elliot. She didn't care what it took, she was going to keep him alive, if it was the last she she'd ever do.

"There are gliders patrolling the area."

"Figured we got at least 20 miles in that direction."

"I figured we can make a mile every 15 minutes." Sam did not look up at the Colonel at all, her mind entirely focused on Elliot. She couldn't lose Martouf. "That should hopefully put us at the censors in over 9 hours."

She continued putting water into his mouth, and Elliot thought that putting his lips where Carter's had been was embarrassingly pleasurable. He almost choked on the water, for thinking so.

The three members of SG1 currently residing on the former Tok'ra homeworld had placed Elliot on a make shift stretcher. Sam took point as the two men carried Elliot. _Tell her how to reprogram the censors, I don't know how long I can keep this up. _

Elliot felt Lantash's exhaustion. "Major?"

"Hold up," she said to the boys, "yeah?" she asked him tenderly.

Sam strectched her hand towards him, and once again stroked his neck. She was almost beginning to like giving the affection as much as he liked receiving it. "I had better tell you how to reprogram the censors."

He might as well have been admitting to everyone that he was going to give up and die. The looks he received from O'Neill were less than approving but in an odd way, Elliot knew O'Neill would be happy to have him out of the way. It might have been a loss to him, but everyone could see how O'Neill looked at Carter. Having Elliot dead was one less guy that O'Neill had to kill to take Carter for himself.

_Give him more credit than that._

_Everyone in the whole galaxy knows how they feel about each other, _Elliot thought scornfully

_If he truly loves her, he would do whats best for her. We are no different._

Elliot chose to ignore the last part.

They trekked through the wild and Sam found one of the censors. "Colonel." She called out, uncovering the overgrowth.

"Nice."

They placed Elliot on the ground, semi-conscious. Out of the corner of his eye he watched as Sam worked.

"I'm done."

"How do we know if its working?"

"I guess if someone comes to rescue us."

The rescue party did not take long; Teal'c pointed to the sky and Elliot heard him mutter something as he was coming out of a daze.

"Stay with Elliot." Jack tapped Sam on the shoulder. No protests came from her or Elliot. She was pleasanter company then all the men. Sam ran over to him in a haste and continued to stroke his neck and once again the cold rushed through his body like frostbite.

Five minutes passed, and Jacob arrived. Sam left her temporary post and hugged her father. "dad, are you okay?"

"Yeah, looks worse then it is," he shrugged. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, but Elliot is in pretty rough shape. He was injured in a cave-in. Lantash jumped into him to try and save him, but its not working."

"There's a chance that we might be able to salvage the cargo ship, but not before this area is swarming with Jaffa." Jacob shook his head. "Those gliders definitely made our position."

"We cannot escape through the stargate."

"We still have this." Daniel said holding up the vial with the poison inside.

"As much area as that will cover, I don't think the chemical will spread from here to the stargate."

"Well we can't release it here. It will kill you, Elliot and Teal'c."

"Then I guess I gotta figure out a way to get it to the gate." Sam looked at him in horror. She knew that his black ops training would make him the most successful of candidates, but it would still be a fruitless sacrifice nonetheless. He couldn't risk it.

Jacob spoke the words at the tip of Samantha's tounge. "It will be suicide. You're assuming the jaffa won't shoot you on sight."

"Given the lack of cover and size of the jaffa army, I do not believe that even I could make it to the stargate undetected."

"Leave it here with me." Sam walked up to him, concern written on her face.

"what goods that gonna do?" Jack asked.

"Leave here and hide. The jaffa will find me. I'll tell him I know the formula. He'll take me to the gate."

"He is correct. He will be taken to the base camp to the stargate before boarded aboard the mothership."

"Won't they search him first?"

"Then I'll set off the weapon." Elliot wheezed. "Take out as many as I can."

_Let me, I wish to speak. _Elliot relinquished his rights to his body and allowed the Tok'ra to speak. "Please," came the deep voice of Lantash, "we are both going to die. I cannot save us." Lantash's gaze through Elliots eyes drifted towards Sam. "But there is a chance, that we could save you."

_If no one else, save Sam. _

"What about Elliot?"

"Does make sense. No point in you trying to risk you're lives to try and save me. Give me the device." Jack shook his head, but saw no way out of what was going to follow. He dispised the idea of leaving one of his own behind. It went against his very core of being as an Airmen but in a sick twisted way, he was glad for it. His jealousy was getting the best of him and he knew it and he took pleasure in in the feeling. Daniel gave the device to Elliot who took it with his good hand which wasn't much better than his bad hand. He winced at the effort.

"Now," he began, "now go. They'll be here soon." Sam stroked his face unabashedly, she couldn't have cared less at who was watching.

Elliot gave her the widest smiled he could manage. "He's happy now." He said, excitedly, in spite of the circumstances, "he just wanted you to know how he felt."

"I do. And I'll never forget him, or you." All turned their heads towards the skies and watched as gliders descended from above.

"Ground forces will not be far behind."

Jacob took his daughter by both shoulders. "Sam, we gotta go."

Elliot heard the horns and marches of the jaffa approaching. A sense of impending doom loomed above his head and he was frightened.

_Lantash?_

_Yes, my dear young friend?_

_Are you afraid of dying?_

_I am a 2000 year old tok'ra symbiote. My time has come. But you my friend, sadly you're life has just begun and yet, here you are to die._

Elliot chuckled, _it doesn't matter. The major is going to live. That's all that matters. I never noticed how beautiful she was._

_Yes, might I offer you a suggestion that will help ease the pain?_

_Anything, old friend._

_Think of the strawberries her hair smelled like. How it drugged us._

_Think of how rosha, Hayley and Sam all look a like._

_With sandy hair-_

_-And sea blue eyes._

As the two were taken to the gate, Lantash who was in command of the body pushed down on the release valves and the two chemicals spread like wildfire. And even though Lt Elliot knew there was no need, he held his breath.


	3. Whats left of us both

It had been six months since Elliot said goodbye to SG1, thinking that the poison was going to kill him. But Lantash healed him and in a final act of selflessness sacrificed himself for the sake of his host, before the poison had the chance to kill both him and Elliot. He could still remember the horror at the sudden realization at the death of his soul mate, but he also knew that he was reunited with Jolinar. That notion at least brought some kind of comfort to his broken soul.

Elliot coughed blood just before he crossed through the portal. It fell onto his sleeve. Jacob took a sideways glance at his sick friend. "Elliot," came the deep resonating voice of Selmak, "you do not have to do this," he reasoned with deep concern, "we know how hard gate travel can be on the sick and weary."

"Never you mind that, Selmak," Elliot struggled to say every single word. Anything he said came out in a rough, coarse voice. He was sick from his pale skin to his bones and both Jacob and Selmak could see through him very well. "I will be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Just dial." He ordered.

Elliot didn't know how to calibrate his way from the new Tok'ra homeworld to earth so the address he knew was void. He was not given clearance by the high council to know it, so Jacob was dispatched to enter it for him instead.

"I can come with you." Jacob said as he pushed down the big red button that controlled the gateway, "the high council gave me permission to do so if there was a need."

"There isn't a need, so back off Salmak." He wheezed.

Jacob did not take offense as the gate revved to life, instead he watched his friend with caution. "Are you sure that you do not want me to come?"

Elliot stood by watching the gate, glisten against the reflection of the crystals in the Tok'ra tunnels. "Fat Chance." He rasped.

Elliot did his best to run to the gate despite that fact that he was coughing blood everywhere. Blood fell on his sleeve and a sick acidic fluid was piling high in his mouth, threatening to spill over. He took a step back to gain some footing and swallow the bile so that he was as prepared as he could be to step on the other side.

He knew it was pointless, but he held his breath.

Elliot re-materialized on the other side. His focus was mostly on his footing. The colours of the room were swirling around in his head and the blood and bile that he had been trying to keep down went all over him and the floor beneath his feet. His eyes were sagging and drooping as he opened and closed them to blink. Anyone could have mistaken him for a sleep-walker. He looked up and could see that there were many men who had their weapons poised to open fire. Elliot didn't have time for this.

"There is something that I have to tell you about," he warned. "General Hammond? I need to speak with you." He said loudly and deliberately. "Please. It's important." He felt the fever course throughout his own body and he felt numb. His legs crumbled to the ground and pretty soon he was in and out of consciousness.

Then he felt a soft and smooth hand reach down to heft him up. The coldness he felt surge through his body was a relief to the fever threatening to seep out of his skin. The sickness and loss of blood numbed his nerves but only one person could make him feel like the way he did, since Lantash invaded his body.

_She still smells like Strawberries._

The Lt woke up to people staring at him like he was the cause of something unsightly. He could see Hammond peering over Frasier's petite shoulder and Sam was leaning over him, as was the rest of SG-1.

"Arise and shine, sleepyhead." Jack waved playfully. Elliot bit back a faint grumble.

"It's good to have you back, Lt Elliot." Hammond said brightly.

"How are you feeling?" Daniel asked.

Elliot looked at the bed that he was lying down on and his vision blurred as he looked up at the IV his arm was hooked up to. His eyes widened with fear and for a moment not only his vision was unclear but his judgment was also.

"Lt Elliot?" She asked taken aback, "Are you okay?"

He hastily tried to unhinge himself from the needle poking through his skin as he flailed about manically. "No drugs." He said incoherently, "No more drugs,"

"Elliot," Came the voice of Samantha Carter.

"No more drugs," he repeated.

"Elliot-"

"No more drugs,"

"Elliot!" She finally yelled. His flailing stopped as Sam covered her hand over his own to prevent him from tearing out the needle from his skin. He stopped for a minute to look at the blonde women who sat at the end of his bed. "It's not a drug," she said calmly. The aura of her beauty began to set on him, "your kidneys were failing from dehydration," she explained. As she spoke his heart rate that spiked was significantly reduced. His eyes drooped. "The IV is just full of water."

Elliot's head fell firmly on his pillow as he understood Carter's words. He could see Jack glare at him.

"Get some sleep, Lt." Frasier ordered.

"You need to rest." Daniel finished her thought.

"No," He shook his head from side to side flailing about. His breathing became rapid and his heart rate spiked. "No," He shook his head again, "NO!" He said loudly. "I have to warn you!"

Elliot's body was going into a seizure-like state. Frasier prepped the defibulator.

"Elliot," Sam tried to grab the sides of his face to hold him steady. "Elliot,"

"Charging to 200!"

"Wait!" Sam screamed.

Elliot took one deep breath to try and calm himself down and placed his hands over Sam's in an effort to steady his head and breathe more steadily. He gripped her hands so tightly that Sam could feel the circulation cut off in her hands then suddenly, the pressure was gone as Elliot fell into the abyss that swallowed him like sleep. Her scent wrapped around him like a cool liquid.

Through half lidded dazed eyes, his thoughts were barely coherent. "Recently," He began. He took in a huge gulp of air, "Recently, the Tok'ra have received reports of Za'tark incidences from all over the galaxy and we needed to act quickly." Elliot licked his lips, as his eyes drifted towards Sam. They grew wide with strain, but Sam listened intently. Elliot could feel O'Neill, Teal'c and Daniel bore a whole through his body, but nothing else mattered except for Sam. "We ran the lie detector test on the populations of several of the planets in question and the few that tested positive began to act much the same way that Lt Astra did," His heart rate was going up as he tried to swallow more of the bile. "We had to develop some other way to repel the effects of the Za'tark technology." He revealed a Tok'ra memory recall device from the pocket of his uniform, "this device has been altered to the specifications of the Za'tark tech." He handed it to Sam, "Without getting too technical-"

"-thank you-" Jack muttered quietly as his gaze drifted to the ground. Sam sideways glanced at him with an eyebrow raised.

"-It can detect an error in the memory and tell if it's been falsified. It's can also display the memory much how like a movie is displayed on the monitor of a computer."

"How did you make the appropriate modifications?" Teal'c asked from behind Sam.

Elliot loosened his grip on the Major's arm as his eyes wandered to the ceiling.

_It's those damn Strawberries_, he thought with a smile on his face before passing out.

Elliot was found sitting with his old training team mates; Satterfield, Grogan and Hailey. "So you all made it, eh?" He breathed.

"Yeah, into different units." Satterfield clarified.

"But it's all good. We all have good commanders." Came the deep voice of Grogan.

"To bad that O'Neill isn't Satterfield's commander though,"

"Why's that?" She asked.

"Then you could look at Daniel all you like." Grogan teased.

Satterfield dumped her spoon and heaved at Hailey. "I can't believe you told them that, by the way."

"I can't believe you have a crush on Doctor Jackson! That was the funniest thing I ever heard in my life!" He bellowed again.

Satterfield began to blush, "why is that so funny?"

"Because it means you like older men." Hailey supplied.

"Do not." Satterfield tried to save face.

Lt. Elliot smiled at his former teammate's mundane and idle talk. He heaved one spoonful of potatoes in his mouth and swallowed. The flavor wasn't bad, but as he digested it, he could feel something rise from the pit of his stomach. "I have to go," he breathed heavily.

Hailey looked at him concerned. He made a beeline to the men's bathroom and opened one of the stalls. He sat by one of the toilets and all his food and more came out of his mouth. He wiped his mouth clean and shoved water into it which he immediately spat back out. _Even water now, has a bad tang to it. _He wiped his mouth with his sleeve and left. He knew that his tray was still sitting on the bench in the cafeteria but he did not bother to go back and pick it up out of fear that the aroma of the food would once again make him puke. He could still taste the bile left in his mouth. As he left, he found Hailey standing outside waiting for him. "Elliot?" she asked.

The flutter that he had once felt in his heart for the poor girl had died the moment Lantash had entered his body. He inhaled and exhaled a number of times before finally performing an about-haste to face her head on. "Hailey." He acknowledged.

"Are you feeling okay?" Hailey was much smaller then Elliot so she took cover directly underneath the brim of his hat. He got rid of the standard uniform hat traditionally worn only outside and replaced it for a green baseball cap. Hailey thought that he wore it to protect his face from the light. Everyone on base knew how white and sickly his arms were, they all saw it. Some thought he was ashamed.

He wasn't even thinking too much about it. Mostly he was just irritated with everyone asking him if he was all right. Asking him if he was all right was like asking a person who was sleeping if they tired. Sometimes he didn't care other times he wanted to do nothing then to beat their faces in. Such was the case now. Ordinarily his heart would have skipped a few beats at her close proximity, but he stood still. She saw his eyes; he wanted her to get out of his way before she noticed the drip of sweat on the side of his face.

"Yeah, are you okay?" His reassertion of normalcy brought no relief to Hailey. She ignored his question.

"What did the Tok'ra do to you?" She asked concerned. Elliot was really in no mood to explain. Those were memories he preferred never to surface. He felt the bile again rise in his mouth and tried to prevent himself from passing out. He took a deep breath.

"Nothing."

Elliot brushed passed Hailey, endeavoring never to look back at her. He didn't bother making a turn to the cafeteria. He knew that his tray still sat at the table. In all honesty, he felt guilty for leaving it there, but he couldn't go back. Not yet, He couldn't handle the food.

Instead he knocked on the door of Teal'c's room and Teal'c bade him entry. "I'm sorry, Teal'c," he breathed.

"There is no need to apologize, Lt. Elliot. Come."

"I have been tired, and hoped that some kel'no'reem might help."

Teal'c cocked his head and raised an eyebrow. "Are you not sleeping well, Lt. Elliot?"

"Yes, I am." He lied.

Teal'c smirked. "You lie poorly, Lt. Elliot."

"I'm fine." He lied again.

Elliot sat down on the floor with his legs crossed and hands in circles on his knees. As Elliot closed his eyes, Teal'c couldn't help but notice how his fatigues sagged on his body. He briefly wondered how that happened but instead thought it was better not to ask. Instead they both let fragrances of the candles fill every space in their bodies. Thoughts of Elliot's past flooded his memory.

_Might I offer you a suggestion?_

_Yes._

_Think of how Major Carter smelled._

The last thought came to him so quickly and clearly that it was almost as loud as an actual voice. "Lantash." He said quickly and frightened.

Teal'c was annoyed with the disruption. Elliot's unpredictable nature in his current state of mind were disturbing his own kel'no'reem, but seeing his friend suffer was worse than disturbed meditation. "Is all not all well with you, Lt. Elliot?"

"No, I'm fine." His green eyes fluttered closed, but Teal'c's remained open. He watched his friend very closely. He began moving as he meditated. Every muscle in his body tensed and he began to perspire as if he was having a nightmare. Teal'c watched for what he would do and say. He inhaled and exhaled unevenly as he fought back the monsters of his dreams. He was in immense pain.

"Ahhhhhhh." He screamed. "Turn it off! Turn it off!" Teal'c hefted him over his shoulder and carried him to the infirmary. A medical team was there on standby.

"You are not okay, Lt. Elliot." He said calmly.

Dr. Frasier dropped whatever she was doing and ran towards Teal'c as he placed Elliot on the hospital bed. "What happened?" She asked.

"He was performing kel'no'reem and a nightmare surfaced to his consciousness."

"Thank-you, Teal'c we can take it from here."

Teal'c heard a faint, "charging to 200." He heard the static boom through the halls of the SGC.

When Teal'c had explained what had happened to Lt. Elliot, SG1 scurried to the infirmary and found him mumbling in his sleep.

"No, no, no." He trembled. "I can't do it." He twisted and turned in his sleep. It was apparent that he was dreaming about something that disturbed him greatly. "Major, get out of the way!" Elliot's eyes popped open and sat up abruptly where he slept. "Major, Major, Major," He repeated incoherently. He moved against the restraints, still scared. Sam jumped back and all of SG1 crowded around him. "We were, you were, we. I mean," Elliot broke out into a cold sweat. A few of the doctors approached him as he tried to shove them away. "No, no, no," He kept muttering. "The walls were caving in," He stuttered.

"Its okay, Elliot." Janet said as she approached him. "You're not in the Tok'ra tunnels anymore. The Major is fine." She explained calmly.

"No, the M-m-major."

"The major is fine." She repeated.

"What did they do to you, Lt. Elliot?" Elliot's eyes lolled towards Carter's direction. She was the first of SG1 that he noticed. The other three men were gathered in a semi-circle around his bed as his eyes followed listlessly around the room.

Sam stroked his neck. It felt just the same as he remembered it when they was trapped under the Tok'ra tunnels. Only this time, Sam felt the same rush of coldness that Elliot felt every time she touched him. It was the most exhilarating feeling that she had ever felt. Jack cringed with every stroke.

"Major," he breathed sickly, "with respect it's not something I really want to talk about." None of SG1 bothered to ask him what he meant. The memories of the battlefield are better left on the battlefield. All men of SG1 understood this very well, even Daniel Jackson had seen some things on the battlefield that most seasoned combat veterans wouldn't even dream of. Psychologists hired to help them believed that facing up to the reality of their nightmares was always the best coping method but the quiet actuality was that living in a silent fantasy is the best remedy for all ills.

It was quite some time before Hailey knocked at the door. All five faces turned to the doorway. Elliot tried lifting his head, but failed. He groaned as his head hit the pillow and Sam flinched. "I'm sorry, sirs," she indicated to Teal'c, Dr. Jackson and the Colonel, "ma'am," she muttered in Major Carter's general direction, "I just wanted to talk to him for a while." Hailey nodded towards the boy lying in the hospital bed, but kept looking at the Colonel for confirmation that she was not overstepping her boundaries.

"It's all right Lt," the Colonel waved a hand for her to come inside. She approached him, not sure what protocol dictated what she should do. She swallowed as she took her post beside the Colonel. He towered over her with his large statue looming over her shadow but Hailey no longer felt any uncertainty when she saw that he had dug his hands, casually, deep into his pockets and rocked steadily on the heels of his boots.

"Do you want us to leave?" Daniel asked turning to her.

"No, Doctor Jackson," she waved her hand in an act of dismissal. "I just wanted to check up on him, that's all." She looked passed Major Carter, "You alright there Elliot?"

Elliot smiled faintly at his old teammate. "I'm fine, Hailey."

"I'm not so sure. I heard you as you were kel'no'reeming. I heard you scream-"

"-Hailey-" Elliot tried interjecting but she carried on as if he had never even spoke.

"-I knew something was up the moment you stepped through the gate-"

"-Hailey-"

"You started freaking out over the weirdest things-"

"-Hailey!" He croaked. She stopped blubbering and abruptly closed her mouth. "I am fine."

"No you're not." The people crowding around turned on their heels and faced a short women with a long lab coat and a clipboard in hand. "You're bulimic."

Elliot heaved a great sigh and rubbed his temples as they all turned to the man. "That's why you wouldn't eat today?" Hailey gasped.

"The commissary food is bad, Hailey. That's all it was." Elliot was trying to downplay the seriousness of his situation and no one in the room was buying it, he knew. But no one also questioned it. No one except for Lt Hailey, who did not yet know better to not ask.

"I know what bulimia looks like, Elliot!"

"Hailey," He said calmly.

"No, Elliot! You're sick, you need help."

"Hailey!" He screamed.

Lt Hailey scrunched up her face at him and began to sob only slightly. "You can't do this to yourself, Kevin."

Elliot had had enough of Hailey's chastisement. He breathed in and out several times as he lost feeling in his hands. His eyes turned dark and serious. They weren't the light and happy green that they were only a year or so before. Six months away from the SGC and going through what looked like Hell and back turned the boy into a man. He wasn't running and he would face whatever came his way head on. "Watch me." He said firmly. Hailey scurried out of the room with tears forming in her own eyes.

Just as she got to the door she turned back at him, "you're killing yourself Elliot. You can't keep this up forever."

"Watch me." He repeated.

Daniel turned to the sick man with the face of a boy lying on the bed. "What was that?" He asked.

Elliot wiped his face and realized that his hand was coated in a thick layer of sweat. "We knew each other at the academy, but we also attended high school together. Life wasn't treating her very well back then and she ah," he paused. All members of SG-1 exchanged glances. He scratched his forehead, "well you get the idea."

"Be that as it may," Janet spoke for the first time since announcing that he had bulimia, "Lt Elliot needs rest, and food."

Elliot stiffened, "no food."

"You need to keep your strength up."

"No food." He repeated.

"The sedative that I need to feed through the IV will do more harm than good, if you don't eat."

"Good. I'd rather take the harm, thanks." He snarled. Dr. Frasier stuck her pen in her coat pocket as her mouth turned to a straight thin line. She placed a sedative through the IV to help him sleep. He convulsed over the side of his bed before passing out. Frasier had a medical team clean it up as Major Carter tenderly wiped his mouth.

Jack rocked back and forth on the heels of his feet with his hands still tucked deep into his pockets. "Major?"

"In a minute, sir." She continued wiping his face with a paper towel then tossed it into the rubbish bin. She stroked his neck one last time before finally leaving his side.

Hours later, Elliot lied partially awake in the infirmary. He was in a cold sweat and only half conscious as His former teammate, Grogan, sat by his bed. The much bigger boy sat with his elbows to his knees as he looked at the ground in concern for his former CO. It hurt him inside to know that even after his return, Elliot was weak and sick. He didn't cry, but he didn't do much else either. He absentmindedly fiddled with his hat that he held in his hand. The only thing that occupied his mind was the safety for his friend.

"Grogan?" Elliot coughed weakly, "Is that you?"

"Lt. Elliot," Grogan said snapping out of his reverie. "It's good to see you awake." Elliot's mind still wasn't at the present, but he was talking which made Grogan feel slightly less stupid waiting for the man to wake. Grogan had a lopsided smile form on his face.

"How are the Tok'ra?" He asked out of sincere curiosity.

"Busy." He smirked. "They're determined in taking down the System Lords."

"They sound like they're a bit more like Colonel O'Neill then what he would have us believe."

Elliot laughed but that laugh turned into a raspy cough. Grogan stumbled his way towards the boy-commander and slapped his back. He fed him water through a straw which Elliot sipped thankfully. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Never been better." Elliot lied.

Grogan leaned forward. "Don't try lying to me, man. I know better than that." Grogan let out a hearty laugh and Elliot tried doing the same but only ended up coughing instead.

"What the Tok'ra do to you, Elliot?"

Elliot sobered up and looked at Grogan through hazy and watery eyes. "I can't tell you, I'm sorry."

"But-"

Elliot held up his hand to silence Grogan. His mouth closed tightly. "No. I can't tell you. I'm sorry."

"But-" he repeated.

"No, Grogan. That's final." Grogan angrily stalked out of the room with his hat still clutched in his hand and let the young commander sleep. His nightmares would call him back any time now.

"Think of how she smells," he muttered as his head lolled to the side.

Satterfield was the last one that day to see the sick Lt. She hesitated in coming because she wasn't sure what to say, but Hailey and Grogan had talked her into doing it. The boy needed the support of his old team mates. Even if the four of them were only a temporary assignment in a training group, they were the closest thing to a unit-family that Elliot was a part of for any substantial amount of time. His post with the former commander of SG-11 was quite literally short-lived. His other team mates had died in the crumbling of the Tok'ra tunnels. Grogan, Hailey and Satterfield were the next best thing.

"Ahhh," Elliot moaned. His eyes began to flutter open as he saw the place that Grogan had sat at. His eyesight was clouded. "Grogan?"

Satterfield smirked. "Not even if I worked out for 12 hours straight for the next week." She retorted.

Elliot tiredly smiled wondering how he could mix Grogan and Satterfield up. "Satterfield," He said.

"It's nice to see you."

Elliot's mouth hung open awkwardly as he turned over to face her. She sat with her legs out stretched. She didn't bother with a Jacket, she twirled her hat with her finger in her hand and lazily folded one arm across her stomach. She looked like she was at the beach watching the boys swim, rather than inside a mountain waiting for Elliot to get better. "Good to see you too."

Satterfield straightened up and put her hat in her trousers pocket the same way that Daniel Jackson does and leaned forward. "We're all pretty worried about you, you know."

"I know. But I can't say anything."

Satterfield pursed her lips. "I know. That's why I am not asking." Elliot's ear's perked up. "But I know about the symbiote poison. I read the file."

"I didn't submit a file."

Satterfield smirked again, "No, but Major Carter did and I was given clearance to read it for possible applications in the battlefield."

Elliot gulped down the water that he sipped through the straw then stopped. "What was that poison called again?"

Elliot creased his face in confusion. "I swore never to give its name."

Satterfield chuckled. "You sound like a Tok'ra."

"I am a Tok'ra."

"No, you were a Tok'ra. Your allegiance hasn't changed."

"My allegiance with the Tok'ra began when Lantash took me as his host."

Satterfield chuckled again, "Have it your way." She continued to laugh, but there was something cold in her laugh that didn't sound like the Satterfield everyone knew. There was something in her that irked him. Elliot might have been the one in the hospital bed but Satterfield was the one that was sick. He immediately sat up, unhooked the IV and despite the nausea that followed, placed his feet on the ground. He tested if he could stand without vomiting. He swallowed the bile and ran out of the infirmary as fast as his feet could carry him.

He ran down the hall ignoring the weird looks that people were giving him as he made his way to Hammond's office. He barged in the room and fell to the floor. "I apologize, sir. But there is something I have to tell you."

"Hailey called me by my first name. Initially I thought it was a slip up," Elliot began shaking his head, "but then Grogan tried to get some information about what the Tok'ra did to me and then Satterfield said that she had read the report on the Symbiote poison," Hammonds ears perked up, "Hailey wouldn't use my first name, especially in the presence of two other commanding officers. The other two are classified pieces of information, Sir."

"What are you saying, Lt?"

"I think they're Za'tarks."

Hammond began to feel Elliot's sense of urgency. "I'll arrange to have them tested."

Elliot's stomach hit the floor. His heart was breaking at signing his friend's death warrants. He felt bile rising in his mouth that he attempted to swallow. "Thank-you, sir." Elliot rushed out of Hammond's office very quickly, and ran into the men's restroom for what felt like the millionth time that day.  
**

Lt Elliot pushed the device into Satterfield's left temple. She flinched as she felt the sharp stab of the device working in her brain. "Lie down." He instructed carefully. The tightness in Elliot's guts about performing the test was turning into a subtle throb. He swallowed as he felt a nasty taste rise in his mouth. He steadied himself using the table in front of him and waited until his stomach could manage the pain. Then he kept walking. He tightened the belt around his fatigues and wore a jacket that made him look like the walking dead. His shoulder bones could be seen through his clothes and his eyes sunk deep into his eyes. It was obvious that he hadn't slept.

Elliot began asking questions, "What happened on your last mission to Chulak?"

"It was recon. We needed to help Master Bra'tac with the rebel Jaffa."

"What was the mission?"

"To help Bra'tac in training the rebel Jaffa with earth weapons."

"What did you do specifically?" Elliot ran through the questions one by one hoping and praying that he was wrong about Satterfield, but he knew at some point that the light on the side of her head was going to glow red.

"I showed them how to shoot and load an Ak-47." The recall device showed him that something was wrong with her memory. It had been tampered with. Elliot's posture showed that he knew that something was wrong. He tried to ask questions, but Satterfield had removed the device on the side of her head before he could continue. She pulled the ring laser out of her pocket and placed it on her hand and aimed it directly at him. She shot once before he fell with a loud crash to the ground. "Tell me the name of the toxin." She screamed.

Satterfield's scream could be heard from a distance and Sam came rushing in with three armed men poised to shoot at the object of the scream. Satterfield tried to shoot at Carter but Elliot tackled her to the ground and the laser missed. She pointed the ring to Elliot's forehead but Carter knocked him out of the way. Then she turned the device on herself and the shot through her head felt like a shot through his own and his stomach couldn't take it. He puked on the floor. Sam called for a medical team, to clean up the mess and take the corpse away.

The medical team attempted to help Elliot after his episode, but he shoved them away remarkably strongly for someone so sick. "I don't need your help!" He yelled. He walked around the base gripping his own stomach. He tried to stumble towards Hammond's office, but his legs gave out first then he sighed heavily. Daniel Jackson found him unconscious in the corridors. The soldier archeologist threw Elliot over his shoulder and dragged him to the infirmary, passing Sam on the way there.

"I don't know what the Tok'ra did to him, Sam. But this is bad."

"I know, Daniel." She shrugged, "but he's been so sick that we haven't been able to question him at all."

Daniel nodded. "Place him on the bed, will you?"

Grogan was the next one up. This time Sam was the one conducting the interview. "Where did you go on your last mission?"

"P4X-989."

"What was your mission?"

"Search and rescue SG-15 who had been captured by the goa'uld Apophis."

Sam could feel that something was off with him. She couldn't put her finger on it; but something was really wrong. She knew Grogan; she was one of the officers that trained him, but something felt off. "What did you do?"

"Apophis's Jaffa were on our tails the minute we stepped out on the other end. I asked Colonel Makepeace if we should dial home but he told us that we needed to find SG-15. So the Colonel took point and began shooting at the Jaffa. He asked me and Thompson to take his left and right flank to cover his six. We guarded the gate while we waited for Makepeace and Ryan to come back."

The light didn't glow but the Major remained stoic as she kept asking the questions. "Did anything happen while you waited?"

Grogan thought for a minute. "No." The Tok'ra recall device on the side of the boy's face began glowing red. Sam knew that wasn't a good sign. _There it is,_ she thought.

Grogan noticed the distress on the Major's face and widened his eyes. "Is something wrong?" The major didn't need to respond, her face said it all. "It's me, isn't it?"

"Airmen," She called, as two men outside entered the room carrying loaded P90's. "Stand guard." The fear in Grogan's eyes was transparent. The Major could see right through him.

"Major?" He asked like a frightened little child begging for relief from its mother.

"You'll be fine, Grogan." In all honesty, she didn't believe it herself. She looked upwards to see that Elliot was sitting as still as a statue. He had however grown pale and if it was possible, had grown thinner in the last hour or so. He had likely vomited again and the sight of him wrenched at her heart. He wore his fatigues which made him look bigger then he actually was, but Carter knew underneath that exterior was skin and bone. Sam wondered how he had the stomach to watch all of this happen.

Carter used the controller to switch the mode of the device. Grogan's facial expressions turned from discomfort to excruciating pain. "It hurts." He mumbled out loud. Sam winced but didn't say anything. "It hurts!" He said louder. Then the screams of pure agony began to ring from Grogan's lungs. At the peak of his pain, Grogan's screaming died out and Elliot slapped on the window begging for attention. "Stop the procedure." He cried.

Sam did as she was told and approached the boy in the strapped seat. She removed the bands on his head and arms and carried him to the infirmary with Elliot in tow. She placed him gently on the bed and awaited for the Doctor. She was not waiting long. "The procedure worked," she said sadly.

Janet looked at her friend then at the Sergeant lying on the bed. She listened to his heartbeat and hooked him up to various machines. "I'll have the results ready within the hour."

"In the meantime," She looked over to Elliot who was looking at his friend nervously and anxiously. "Elliot and I need to find Lt. Hailey."

Elliot stumbled to the ground due to his lack of energy. He slowly put one foot in front of the other and stood. He tested his footing before walking and nodded over towards Sam. He followed her out of the infirmary in a daze.

Elliot and Sam searched the entire facility looking for Hailey. She couldn't be found anywhere. "Where could she have gone?"

"I don't know." Elliot replied honestly and with a heave, the burst of energy that Elliot felt from running was beginning to take its toll. He was tired inside and out as his hands began to shake. "But she can't have….gone…." He stammered as he looked down at his hands. Major Carter picked up his hand, and brushed his gently with her own. She fiddled with his fingers for a moment and wrapped her other hand around his wrist. She inspected his hand, like a child with a new toy. She didn't take her eyes off his hands and he didn't take his eyes off her blonde hair. He looked off in the distance almost like seeing past her rather than at her. Then she extended his fingers and raised his hand against her own measuring how big his hand was against hers. He moved his fingers slightly to the left and enclosed his large hand over Carter's small one and he felt cold all over. It was a slight tingly feeling in the nerves that coursed throughout his body. Then he once again heard the dull ring of a dying voice. _She smells like strawberries. _

Abruptly, he felt the cold feeling leave him. She let go of his hand, looking confused for a moment. They both shook themselves out of the trance and looked around for who was coming. They were in an isolated part of the base, but still, anyone could be around. "We need to leave." Elliot stated firmly.

"Yeah." Sam agreed.

As the pair of them rounded the corner they found Lt Hailey. "You need to come with us, Hailey."

"I don't need to go anywhere with you Major!" She yelled. She tried to attack the Major but failed as Elliot held her back with his arms. Despite his diminished strength, he was still stronger than her and about a foot taller. As Hailey flailed about, she dropped the ring that doubled as a weapon and screamed. Elliot and Carter both recognized what it was and they didn't bother with the testing. They strapped her in her seat, attached the device on the side of her face and watched as she screamed in agony. Hers lasted longer than Grogan's and she began crying. Once the screaming had stopped, Elliot once again instructed Carter to shut the device off. She did so and then Elliot carried Hailey into the infirmary and placed her in a bed across from Grogan. Her face was contorted in unnatural ways. Elliot looked away and Sam took pity on him. "How is he?" Elliot asked.

"I won't lie to you. That device damaged his brain pretty badly. I'm not sure if it will heal. His EEG is only half as active as what it should be." All the screams in the world were better sounding to Elliot then hearing that about his friend. "And she looks worse off." Elliot felt a sinking feeling in his gut. He covered his ears and ran out of the infirmary into the bathrooms one again. He puked, for what felt like the hundredth time that day. He ran into his quarters and let the panic flow through him. His hands were shaking and his whole body was racked with nervous energy. He felt like he was going to die at any minute and then when the panic was over, he cried like a child.

Elliot wasn't sure how long he cried for, but he woke-up on the floor of his room drenched in his own tears. He looked up to see a bright blonde women standing over him. His heart beat rapidly. "I have an idea for Grogan and Hailey, though admittedly I don't know how much good it will do."

Sam handed him a goa'uld healing hand device she held one in her own. "I want to heal the damage done using these."

Elliot wasn't sure how much good the plan was going to do either, but he had no better plan himself. He dried his eyes. "Let's do it." Sam extended her arm downward to bloodshot-eyed boy. The ice-cold sensation once again brought his senses to life. They made their ways to the infirmary to find Hailey and Grogan. Grogan blinked absentmindedly, and Hailey's head lolled of the edge of the bed. SG1 were standing by Sam the whole time. She approached Grogan as Elliot took Hailey's side and they both nodded to each other to begin the healing process.

Grogan's eyes began to rev to life. He remembered who he was and what had happened. But everything felt like it was a dream that he was just waking up from. He remembered being captured and drinking something red. He couldn't recall the name of it. But the damage done to Grogan's mind was almost completely gone.

Hailey was not so lucky. The lights in her eyes were returning slightly but the damage done to her was more extensive then the damage done to Grogan's. She began heaving in and out and her body went into a seizure like state. Elliot broke off the healing device and was shoved out of the way by Frasier. She tried resuscitation, which worked. Even with all the events going on around her, Sam did not break the concentration. She kept healing Grogan until she heard a soft groan. "Major?"

Everyone in the room sighed with relief except for Elliot. "It's good to have you back, Grogan."

"Sir," he coughed looking at Colonel O'Neill, "I have a lot to tell you."

"That's great, but you need your rest, Sergeant."

"Colonel," He breathed, "with all due respect, sir, no I can't. It's important."

Grogan got out of bed and stepped on the floor. He tested his footing and stood with relative ease. Grogan and Elliot fell into step of each other behind the pack. Grogan extended his hand towards Elliot a wide grin spreading across his face. Elliot took his whole arm like a Jaffa would and he slapped Elliot's back. They went back to the briefing room and found Hammond there along with Jacob.

"Just the people I needed to see." George extended his hand outward indicating to the table, in front of him. Each person took their seats. On one side was Jack, Sam and Elliot. On the other was Jacob, Daniel, Teal'c and Grogan.

"First, sirs," Grogan started, "I need to tell you something."

"I'm listening, son." George said in his thick Texan accent.

"Thank-you sir." Grogan got ready for the explanation, "When Major Carter began healing me, I remembered being captured along with Hailey, being interrogated for information of the Symbiote poison. I didn't know anything about it. Hailey might've but she didn't say anything. Then they gave me this sticky red stuff that was spiked with something. I recalled a memory," Grogan paused and then shook his uneasy feeling and carried on, "about me and Hailey when we were little kids. The memory was good and normal at first but then it was twisted, like suddenly everything was wrong."

Sam looked at the Colonel. But Daniel was the first to say something. "We've seen this before."

"Did you catch a name?" The colonel asked.

"No, sir. I just remembered that it was red and sticky."

"Sounds like the blood of Sokar," Carter said to General Hammond.

"Sokar is dead." Jack said stubbornly

Sam turned her gaze to the Colonel. "Yes, sir, but Apophis was his first Lt for a little while. He could have given the formula for it to the system lords."

"That is the most likely assumption," came Selmak's deep voice. "The substance in the human body at the time that the subjects are turned into Za'tarks would lower the minds capabilities of fighting off the effects of the Za'tark technology. It would make them more subservient and subordinate."

"Sounds like the stuff, yes sir." Sergeant Grogan nodded.

"Well that explains why we didn't see it coming," Daniel said, "But I still have one question," He lifted his face to look at the people sitting around the briefing table. "How did you make the modifications to the device?"

"Its not like you to be asking the technical questions Doctor Jackson."

"No sir it isn't. But I have a feeling that it might have something to do with why Elliot is so sick."

"A gut feeling?" Jack raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, Jack," Daniel responded sardonically, "You are not the only one who gets them."

Jacob exchanged glances with General Hammond. "We could explain it to you, but you won't like it."

"Well, I'm curious." Daniel blinked rapidly.

"As am I."

Jacob heaved and looked around at the people sitting at the table until he settled on Lt. Elliot who just shrugged his shoulders. "Cat's out of the bag. Might as well tell them now."

Jacob nodded his head. "We had to interface the device with the supercomputers that contained the data and programs on the Za'tark technology and then test it on organic tissue that had previously been exposed to it. Then we programed it to send controlled electric jolts through the brain that simulate the synapses in the neurons that repair the severed pathways."

"woah, woah, woah." Sam asked, "Organic tissue?"

"Yes," Jacob answered, honestly hoping that his daughter hadn't picked up on what he was saying.

"Carter?"

"Sir," she said her voice irate at her dad. "They would have needed a live subject to test on in order to have developed this technology. Who was the subject?" She asked angrily. Jacob bowed his head to the ground. Thinking that he should have known better then expect that his daughter would have never caught on. "Who was the subject?" She said louder in a voice that Jacob hadn't heard since she was 19.

"I was." Elliot had piped in. Blood came pouring out of his mouth.

"Lt Elliot had all the memories of Lantash." Salmak turned his gaze to Sam, who in turn looked at him directly in the eye. "He knew about the Za'tark technology. He knew what happened to Martouf and he knew how to make the necessary adjustments to the Tok'ra memory recall device so that it would help us in defeating the Za'tarks. He knew that you and any other SGC personnel wouldn't allow himself to be subjugated upon for such experiments unless given a real purpose."

"Do we have a right to do that?" Daniel gasped. "Force people to become," He searched his head for the right word, "an experiment?"

"We're at war, Daniel," Jacob stated firmly. "Nobody has any rights whether the war is homebound or abroad."

"But still-" Daniel was fuming but Jack cut him off.

"What did the reports say?" Jack asked.

"Reports?"

"The ones that came in from the Galaxy about Za'tark tech."

"Don't know. As a field operative I wasn't given permission to view them, but as a member of the high council I was one of the Tok'ra that ordered Elliot to come here and observe SGC personnel for possible suspects. He was told to keep an eye on the members of SG-3, SG-11 and SG-15."

"Satterfield's, Hailey's and my units." Grogan piped in. Elliot nodded his head in agreement.

"Our suspicions were confirmed the minute he told General Hammond that he believed that three of you were Za'tarks." Jacob nodded.

Elliot was weak from the effort of talking. "And its for that reason that I have no intention on staying on earth. I have to go back to the Tok'ra."

"No," Sam frantically shook her head, "No you can't do that."

"I have to." Elliot's stomach once again hit the floor.

"Elliot is much needed among the Tok'ra." came Selmak's deep voice. "Carrying the memories of the Lantash he can help us put a stop to the Za'tark's once and for all."

Elliot looked at the floor. "And there is a lot of work that needs doing. I need to get going as soon as I can."

"Before you do, there is something that you should see." The voice came from no-one sitting at the table, but rather from the doctor that came striding through to the briefing room.

"Its Lt. Hailey," Grogan and Elliot looked at each other, "She's woken up. But she isn't quite herself."

"Meaning?" Hammond asked.

"That would be easier to show you then tell you."

Every member of every team stood and followed the doctor to a containment facility.

Hailey smiled all her teeth at her visitors. She lifted her face up to stare at them. There was an aura of innocence about her as she played with a doll that laid close by her bed. She giggled when she saw Grogan and Elliot stand side by side. She jogged up to them her pony tail swinging from side to side.

"You two look very familiar," The smile spread across her face, "Carl-" when her gaze shifted to Elliot her mind drew a blank. "You are not very familiar. But I remember your face somehow." She scrunched up her nose in confusion. "I can't remember."

As Grogan and Elliot were entertaining Hailey, Janet spoke to the remaining members of the company in hushed tones. "It's like she's reverted back to a child. I think she remembers Sgt. Grogan because they knew each other as children." Jacob rolled his head and Sam bit back a few tears. "I'm sorry but there is nothing I can do."

"What do we do with her?" Daniel asked.

"Transport her to a local hospital. Say that she has slight brain damage because of a brain injury sustained in the line of duty. They'll take care of her." Janet promised.

"This is bad," Jacob mumbled, "The High Council had ulterior motives in sending me here also. They believed that I could find another host for Ren'al. The Tok'ra that was working on the preservation of Lantash. We were hoping that she could have some info on this stuff and that Hailey could serve as her host. But the damage done is too extensive for any Tok'ra symbiote to heal."

"Ren'al was killed in the cave-in." Daniel furrowed his brow in confusion.

"I saw it happen." Sam remarked.

Jacob scratched his head, "No she wasn't. The host died, but the Symbiote was extracted before it died with her when the Tok'ra went back to Vorash to scout for possible survivors."

"Why can't I be its host?" It was the first time that Grogan had spoken up since entering the room.

"Honestly?"

"Yeah. Honestly."

"She's always preferred female hosts."

Grogan wasn't surprised or angry. "Well, I'll take the Symbiote if she'll have me."

"You marrying a snake, Grogan?" Jack said sarcastically.

"Are you sure you want to do this? Blending isn't easy."

"I've read the reports."

"Believe me, Grogan," Elliot spoke, "It's harder in real life."

"Look, my best friend is dead. Another has sustained brain damage, there is nothing for me here now."

"What's your name?" Hailey laughed.

"Kevin."

"Are we friends Kevin?"

"If you want to do this son, I won't stop you." Hammond said in his most fatherly tone he could muster.

"I'll take the symbiote." Grogan spoke.

Elliot, Grogan and the rest of them left before Hailey's question could be answered.

SG-1 and SG-3 stood by the gate, saluting their friends as they began to leave. The Stargate spun to life as they dialed the Tok'ra home world.

"You alright there, Makepeace?" Jack asked as Makepeace fiddled with his collar and sleeve.

"I am losing one of the best recruits I've ever had serve under my command to the damn Tok'ra Jack. What do you think?"

"Ahh, c'mon. It could be worse."

Makepeace's eyes widened at O'Neill. "How could this possible be worse, Jack?"

"You could be losing him to the Russians."

Makepeace only huffed at Jack. Grogan walked up to his former commander and saluted with him. "It's been an honour, sir."

"Likewise, Sergeant." They saluted each other, and Grogan waited for Elliot to be done with his own goodbyes.

He bowed to Teal'c "tek ma tay. Thank-you."

"It was my honour."

He shook hands with Dr. Jackson. "I appreciate you sticking up for me back there, doctor."

"I'm only sorry that I wasn't able to do anything for you, given everything that you've done for us behind closed doors."

Elliot shrugged. "It was the thought that counted."

He stopped at Jack as he glared at him. "We thought you were dead once," Jack said darkly, "don't make it a reality." Elliot bowed his head then moved on to Sam who was trying very hard not to cry. Elliot could feel the gut-wrenching pain settle again.

"I've missed you, Major Carter."

"Lt." She acknowledged, looking at anywhere but at him.

"I'm not a Lt anymore."

"Right," Sam looked down and wiped her own eyes. "Do you really have to go?" She asked.

Elliot leaned into her and smelt her scent and kissed her once on her cheek. She didn't touch him at all, but he did whisper something. "I am the closest thing that anybody has to live tissue. If I do this, we can stop the System Lords from doing this again." Elliot swallowed the bile rising in his throat. "Then when the Galaxy is rid from this, we can finally be together."

"You don't have to go for me." She pleaded. 

Elliot pulled away. "Yes I do."

For as much as it hurt, he began his walk up the ramp. It was the longest walk of his life. He felt like he was dragging himself to the gate. He met Grogan at the top. "Being a Tok'ra isn't a cakewalk, you know that, don't you?"

Grogan looked at the sparkly puddle. "I've read the files."

"No," he shook his head and Grogan looked at him. "The files are just stories by comparison."

"Maybe, but I'm doing this as much for me as I am for the tok'ra. This isn't where I belong."

"I just hope you don't live to regret it, Carl."

"Okay Kevin."

The names of the two men were strange to hear out loud even to their own ears. "I don't like our first names too much." Elliot remarked coolly.

"Neither do I." Grogan agreed.

"Grogan and Elliot it is then." Grogan and Elliot were about to step through the gate when Elliot turned around. "Hey colonel?" The colonel cocked his head to the side, "I said a long time ago, that I like to think that I've been training for this my whole life."

Jack's lopsided grin crossed his face as he recalled the memory. "I remember."

"I was born to be a Tok'ra, sir."

"Better you then me!" He called back.

Elliot's face grew wide at the normalcy of the Colonel's comment. His gaze drifted towards his second who was standing beside him uneasily and trying to hold back her tears. She wasn't doing a very good job he thought. The first thing that he wanted to do was sweep her off her feet and cradle her in his arms, but he feared that if he turned back now, he would never leave.

He swallowed the bile that was threatening to spill over in his mouth and turned back to the glistening puddle infront of him.

_When the madness ends, then we can start. Just be patient_, Elliot thought.

He knew once again, that there was no need, but he took a deep breath.

_She smells like strawberries. _


End file.
